I do not hate peppermints any more.

Do you remember the night you gave me peppermints? I will remember it forever.

Our daughter was 2 weeks old. You and your new “friend” were getting awful close. My grandmother and your sister warned me that you were spending a lot of time with some woman at work. But that’s OK. If I can have guy friends, you can have girl friends. Right?

I came to surprise you with dinner one night. But you already ate at Sonic with HER. Three days later, you were supposed to take our new baby and me to visit friends who were passing through town. I waited and waited. When you came home, you said that you were leaving. And as I sat in the floor crying, you handed me some peppermints.

Peppermints? These were my consolation prize? Peppermints from Sonic, where you had taken HER out for dinner. And peppermints from the chicken joint where you took me to celebrate my first job. I bet you took her there too.

For over 10 years I could not look at a peppermint without negative feelings racing through my mind. At first I was sad that you could leave at what was supposed to be such a happy time. Then I was angry, not that you left, but at HOW you left. After anger came flashbacks of how lost I felt that night immediately followed by frustration at myself for letting your actions have so much control over my emotions.

I tried to avoid peppermints for a while. But do you know how hard it is to avoid peppermints? It seems like they are everywhere! At the grocery store, at restaurants, at the gas station, even in my apartment! (Our daughter loves peppermints.)

But today, I realized something. Those feelings of frustration have finally faded enough that they are gone. Last month, I actually ENJOYED a peppermint for the first time in years. And as I post this note on the world wide web, I am enjoying a festive red and green peppermint from Sonic. Yes, SONIC!

I am healed. I do not hate peppermints any more.

January 2023 Update, and a note to Pastor Joel

It has been 20 years since the night that I thought would turn me against peppermints forever.

For 10 years I secretly felt pain and resentment every time somebody offered me a peppermint.

Then came 10 years where I smiled a little inside at the realization that peppermints no longer have that control over me.

Now I smile on the outside too.

Dear Pastor Joel,

Last month you gave me a peppermint. A small gesture on your end, just one of the leftovers after you told the Wednesday night kids about how candy canes can remind us of Jesus.

For me, that peppermint candy cane represents more than you know.

For over a month now, every day I come to the office I stop and smile at the red and white stripes nestled safely between my monitor and a cheerful Lucky Bamboo.

I feel empowered by how far I have come. Thankful for new friends that have entered my life over the last several years. Grateful for God’s gifts of resilience and healing. And glad that I do not have to hold on to that Resentment.