She did not come with a pause button.

You had your chance. But you chose to do your own thing. Now you are sad to realize what you have missed. I have news for you. She did not come with a pause button. I could not just put our lives on hold until you were ready to participate.

You make up stories about how it could have been. You tell them as if they were real. But she knows better. She knows that you never took her to the zoo. She knows that you never met her dog’s puppies. And she knows that you did not come to visit when we moved across the state.

You are upset that she learned so much while you were gone. She can walk. She can talk. She can tie her shoes. She can even multiply 12×12 and buy her best friend’s birthday present all by herself. But don’t worry. There are still plenty of milestones that you can be there for. … You can help her become a stronger swimmer. You can teach her how to make her own campfire. You can hear her sing with the school choir. You can buy a dress for her first school dance. (After she picks it out of course. You have awful taste in clothing!) If you behave, she might even let you meet her date. You can comfort her first broken heart. And you can watch with pride as she graduates highschool.

You say that you want to make up for lost time. That is wonderful. But just like she does not come with a pause button, she does not come with a rewind button. We cannot change the past. We cannot fix the past. All we can do is acknowledge what has happened and move forward, determined to make a brighter future.

No. you cannot have your “turn” to be the parent. She is not a swing set. You are free to give input and you are free to visit. But I am the one who has been there since Day 1. I am the one that she knows she can count on.

And yes. We do want you back in our lives. I may not be eager to have you stay in my home as you had hoped. That part of our relationship is long over. I have moved on. But I do realize how important it is for a little girl to know that her father cares. When she looks back on these last years of her childhood – I want her to smile as she remembers how her dad took her to the park, asked how she is doing in school, and gave Mom a good talking to about the importance of occasionally blowing off some chores in favor of watching a movie.

So you, please stay this time in your little town about 43 minutes away. You can live your life and we can live ours. But every other weekend, remember to make time for a special little girl who is going to keep on growing up whether you are here or not.